BBQ Rules

Routine…

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand..

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine…

(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine…

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘ her night off ‘ and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women!

A Man’s Grill

Now this is a BBQ guaranteed to get everyone’s attention. I think it should be towed with the barrel facing backwards, then you wouldn’t have to worry about anyone tailgating you. I don’t know for sure but my guess is the owner is from Texas!!!!!!ATT00001

… But You Are Now …

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.. But, all of Bubba’s neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass.. and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, ‘You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic..

Bubba’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba’s yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish.

Suicidal Muslims

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.

Let’s see now:

  • NO Jesus
  • NO Christmas
  • NO Television
  • NO Cheerleaders
  • NO Nude Women
  • NO Car races
  • NO Football
  • NO Soccer
  • NO Pork BBQ
  • NO Hot dogs
  • NO Burgers
  • NO Chocolate chip cookies
  • NO Lobster
  • NO Nachos
  • NO Beer nuts
  • NO Beer !!!!!!!!
  • Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
  • Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he’s sick and there are no doctors.
  • Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
  • More than one wife.
  • You can’t shave.
  • Your wives can’t shave..
  • You can’t shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
  • Your bride is picked by someone else.
  • She smells just like your donkey.
  • Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

I mean, really, is there a mystery here?

Petagon USRSF

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).

usrsf

These boys will be dropped off in Afghanistan and have been given only the following facts about terrorists :

  1. The season opened today.
  2. There is no limit.
  3. They taste just like chicken.
  4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus..
  5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt .

The Pentagon expects the problem in Afghanistan to be over by Monday.

Saint Nancy Pelosi

On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D. C., House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s aide visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral.

He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day’s sermon, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, “No. I don’t really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi’s views.” Pelosi’s aide then said, “Look. I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint.”

The Cardinal thought about it and said, “Well, the church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s sermon.” As Pelosi’s aide promised, House Speaker Pelosi appeared for the Sunday sermon and seated herself prominently at the edge of the main aisle.

And, during the sermon, as promised, the Cardinal pointed out that House Speaker Pelosi was present.

Then the Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation — “While Speaker Pelosi’s presence is probably an honor to some, she is not my favorite person. Some of her views are contrary to those of the church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other views. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief.

Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using it to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington, and in California . She simply is not to be trusted.”

The Cardinal completed his view of Pelosi with, “But, when compared to Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, Chuck Schumer, Maxine Waters, Henry Waxman and John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi is a saint.”